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If the various awards telecasts were guests at a party, the Golden Globes would be the life of it.  You know what we mean…over the course of the annual awards cycle, we expect Oscar to bring the glamour, the VMAs to bring the scandal, and the BET Hip-Hop Awards to bring the cops. But the Globes telecast is freewheeling, unfettered, well-lubricated. It threatens to catch us off guard by dancing on a table with a lampshade on its head, perhaps while saying something that makes revered Oscar frown and seethe as he swirls the cubes in his tumbler of scotch. It’s a riot because it keeps everyone’s wine glasses full.

Last night, however, our old pal Golden seemed hung over before he even hit the door.  The telecast felt like the longest three hours in the history of broadcasting and – here’s saying something – may actually have been outdone by the most recent Emmys telecast. There’s something very wrong when an Emmys show, even one hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, outshines a Globes telecast hosted by Ricky Gervais.

Indeed, Gervais is bound to take some of the blame here, which is what happens when an awards show that has been host-less for many years decides to make a ringmaster out of a guy whose claim to fame is an especially  uncomfortable brand of humor. We still love Gervais to bits, and we’re definitely going to check out his new HBO series.  Even so, Gervais may not have been the best fit for Hollywood’s annual orgy of high-spirited self-congratulation and drunkenness.  Mind you,  he didn’t detract horribly from the night, but he didn’t add a whole lot to it either.

The acerbic Brit got in a few great jabs after a shaky opening monologue, no question — and the pint of beer he half-heartedly tried to hide behind the podium only emboldened him. The high point came when he stopped pretending to hide his booze and introduced a presenter by observing,   “I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.”

But even those of us who have matters more pressing than worrying about Paul McCartney’s divorce settlement cringed mightily when Gervais made that joke about the Beatle spending a lot of money last year.  And introducing Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler as “Rachel from ‘Friends’ and that bloke from ‘300,’” came off as a little arrogant and lazy.

Then again, what could we expect from The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards telecast other than a good share of discomfort? It appeared on a network in the midst of a PR quagmire, and was hosted by a guy who a) clearly doesn’t care about being hired for the job again, and b) recently came down decisively on the side of Conan O’Brien, NBC’s problematic red-headed stepchild. The evening was destined to be beset by weirdness even if everything came off without a hitch, and even if “Avatar’s”  Best Picture win in the Drama category hadn’t caused a small uprising on Facebook .

“30 Rock’s” Tina Fey acknowledged that on the red carpet moments before the show kicked off when she explained away the drizzle by quipping,  ”It’s not rain, it’s just God crying for NBC.”

Having said all of that, the Globes telecast had its share of golden moments, including a few of our favorites listed below. (The complete list of winners can be found here. )

Say what you will about the telecast, but there’s just no taking away from the evening’s best acceptance speeches.  Listening to “Up” director Pete Docter cite his family as inspiration for the soul-stirring elements of the storyline was simply beautiful, as was “Up in the Air” director Jason Reitman calling his wife  “the fuel to my creative fire.” Mo’Nique, however, set the bar high with an acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama for “Precious,”  that simultaneously touched our hearts and enabled us to forgive her for agreeing to star in “Phat Girlz.”

We cannot decide if Chloe Sevigny decided to gather anemones from a reef to make her dress, or if the Juniper Creek Quilting Circle fashioned her something out of their finest Sunday napkins.

–We also appreciated the lesson in Hollywood hierarchy. The orchestra allowed the great Meryl Streep to go on and on (at least she used the time to say loving words about her mother and favorite charity), but being Ivan Reitman’s son will get you nowhere; Jason’s speech was cut short.  The executive producers of “Grey Gardens” deserve credit for talking over the playing-off strains long enough for their “thank you” speech to be deemed a musical number.

George Clooney can pull off a beard at black tie functions. Jon Hamm cannot. Shave, Mr. Hamm…please shave.

Drew Barrymore has an underdog complex.  Clearly she didn’t expect to win for “Grey Gardens” although anyone who saw her performance  would tell you that she completely deserved that award. But her long, rambling stammerfest became as odd (sweet too,  but stilll…) as it was inscrutable after about 10 seconds.

–And, can we talk about that dress? What was it with that spiked growth on her shoulder? On Twitter the fabulous Lizz Winstead theorized that it was just evidence of Drew being sensible: “It’s awesome that Drew can go home, take off the dress and scrub the tub with it,” she tweeted.

–Julianna Margulies, who won for her performance on “The Good Wife,  thanked CBS, Les Moonves and Nina Tassler for believing in the 10 o’clock drama. That’s what you get for launching her career on a 10 o’clock drama on your network, NBC.

Could someone please tell me if Cher’s dress sparkles unnaturally in the sunlight and has an obsessive attraction to Kristen Stewart?

Three cheers for “Glee” breaking the apparent stranglehold that “30 Rock” was assumed to have had on the Best Comedy category.  To drive home creator Ryan Murphy’s dedication of the award to “anybody and everybody who  got a wedgie in high school,” every single member of the cast wore flawless gowns and suits.  Nicely done, Gleeks!

–Yours truly is not a Beatles fan (I know…don’t kill me….) but even I wanted to spend time with Paul McCartney, who became the de facto elder statesman of the telecast after Harrison Ford did his best to force America into a coma while presenting.  McCartney was darn charming in the audience, and he genuinely made us laugh when he reminded us that “animation is not just for children. It is also for adults who take drugs. ”

If only the Globes were animated.  Oh well…on to the Oscars!

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Neil Patrick Harris owned it as host of the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards telecast.

Yes, live blogging is all the rage, but your IMDb bloggers are located on the West Coast… only not in L.A., where the awards were produced.  But why should that stop us from sharing our experience of seeing it for the first time?

Sure, we already know who won: We updated the IMDb homepage in real time, which means moments before host Neil Patrick Harris launching into his clever opening ditty (which flirted with Christina Hendricks and Jon Hamm within the same verse) we knew “30 Rock“  and “Mad Men” repeated their wins in the Best Comedy and Drama categories. (See the full list of winners on our Road to the Emmys award page.)  And yes, we’ve already IM’ed with our co-workers about whether Toni Collette’s upset in the Best Comedy Actress category was wonderful, or if Tina Fey was robbed. This is all so three hours ago for Eastern and Central couch potatoes, but it’s new to us. With that, here’s our reaction to CBS’s West Coast feed of the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards, in chronological order.

–Neil Patrick Harris drops the first Kanye West joke of the evening: “It’s my job to ensure things run smoothly. Here’s hoping Kanye West likes 30 Rock.”

–First award of the evening! Kristin Chenoweth shed genuine tears and adorable high-pitched peeps of joy at winning a Best Supporting Actress Emmy for her canceled ABC series “Pushing Daisies.” Her acceptance was the right combination of heartwarming and funny.  Following the usual thank yous she chirped,  “I’m unemployed now, so I’d like to be on ‘Mad Men.’ I also like ‘The Office‘ and ‘24.”  We have a feeling she won’t be out of commission for long.

–NPH introduced John Hodgman and explained that he would be doing  color commentary as the winners walked to the podium. Nice trick to inject a little more levity into the ceremony, as was the ongoing gag of citing the presenters’ least known credits, ones some of them wish we’d forget, as they took the stage. Wonder which site they used to find those gems? We don’t ask for much, NPH, but a shout-out would have been nice.

– It’s been a long time since we’ve had occasion to say this about any Emmy host so it makes us happy to say this: Neil Patrick Harris killed it.  We came to this conclusion at 8:24 p.m. PT, and there’s always a chance that things could go horribly wrong, but his lively banter and fleet timing had us in his pocket half an hour into the telecast.

Jon Cryer with his Supporting Actor Emmy for work on "Two and a Half Men." Courtesy of WireImage.com

– Best supporting actor went to Jon Cryer… first Emmy, fourth nomination. We’re very happy for him. Not so excited about that sweater underneath his tuxedo jacket. Ducky might have pulled it off but on Cryer, it’s an assault on the eyes.

–Lead actress in a comedy series: Love Sarah Silverman donning a mustache during Justin Timberlake’s announcement of the nominees. “That’s what hormones will do to you,” JT quipped.  Silverman, still in character, shakes her head mock angrily when Toni Collette, star of “United States of Tara,” is announced as the winner. That was an act; Mary-Louise Parker’s momentary look of someone who just upchucked a cactus was not.

–NPH followed that unintentionally hilarious moment with a forced but jovial, “Congratulations, Toni Collette, and congratulations, Jon Cryer!” He then cut to Cryer in the press room, where Cryer admitted that in that winning moment that he was thinking, “In your face, Neil Patrick Harris.” Great bit.

–Guest actress and actor in a comedy series went to Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake, each for “SNL.” Tina Fey said, in her acceptance speech, “I wouldn’t be here if not for Lorne Michaels.  Justin would still be very famous and very rich.”

–Best directing for a comedy series: The nominees’ intro segments, relating how it felt to be nominated, were inspired. Jeffrey Blitz (who, in his clip, was silenced by a glare from Rainn Wilson) walked away with the statue for directing an episode of “The Office.”

–Best actor in a comedy series: Alec Baldwin. Again.  We love him as Jack Donaghy, but really… can’t somebody else get a shot here?

–Best reality show host: Jeff Probst. Another repeat, and Probst took the words out of this writer’s mouth when he said,  “Neil Patrick Harris, this is how you host the Emmys. Nice job.”

–Best reality competition: “The Amazing Race.”  While “Project Runway” should have gotten a statue years ago, “Race” is the kind of show that’s exhilarating and uplifting in one shot, which makes it perfect award bait. Is this a sign of the Academy being in a rut? Yes. But it’s always in a rut. Don’t let the odd nominations fool you — the rut remains.  In this case, the voters could have done a lot worse.

–Best supporting actress in a miniseries or movie: Shohreh Agdashloo for “House of Saddam.” Such an elegant woman, and she delivered a beautiful, warm acceptance.  That said, somebody needs to tell her to stand back from the microphone because all that inhaling during her speech made her sound like Darth Vader.

–Best supporting actor in a miniseries or movie: Ken Howard. Yes — “The White Shadow“! “I’ll make my speech as brief as possible in the hope that it won’t be interrupted by a Congressman or a rapper.” He then preceded to thank stunt woman Jeannie Epper, who donated one of her kidneys to him years ago.

–Again, have to give it to Neil Patrick Harris — he’s making what has long been known as the most boring night on television darn entertaining.

–Best lead actor in a movie or miniseries: Brendan Gleeson in “Into the Storm.” Not the flashier choice (or else Kiefer would be taking the stage) but it was an excellent performance and a very well-deserved commendation.

–Best actress in a miniseries: Jessica Lange for “Grey Gardens.” The lady plays it straight and thanks all the right people, including Drew Barrymore who looked genuinely happy for her co-star, even though Lange’s win means Barrymore’s acceptance would go unused.

–Dr. Horrible hijacks the Emmys midstream, interrupting what I’m sure was a neat, edifying speech from the accountants at Ernst & Young. Yay! And Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) is right there with him. Brilliant!

–Outstanding miniseries: “Little Dorrit” wins over “Generation Kill.” A big win for PBS, but we have to admit we’re a little sad for “Generation Kill” and David Simon.

–Now here’s a new way of looking at “The Big Bang Theory“: NPH called it “the best show about four geeks and a hot chick since ‘60 Minutes.’”

–Let’s just go ahead and call NPH the Billy Crystal of the Emmys.  If he’s willing to do this every year from now on, I’ll be a happy woman.

–Every year, the nominee introductions for the Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or  Comedy Series are usually the best part of the Emmy telecast. Our favorites: Billy Crystal singing the names  of the “Late Show with David Letterman” writing staff to the tune of “Who Could Ask For Anything More,” and Conan O’Brien’s writers displayed as Facebook friend requests – whichthe host ignored with a grin.

–Jimmy Fallon’s intro, highlighted by him slipping falling and groaning “My back! My back!” through an auto-tuner — hilarious.

–Hugh Jackman’s opening number beat out Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake’s” “Motherlover” for Best Original Song. Were Samberg and JT robbed? Discuss…

–What do you do when you ask Ricky Gervais to hit the stage? Turn him loose and watch the magic happen as he introduces an award, in this case Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy series.  “The Daily Show” wins, again.  John Hodgman’s color commentary as Stewart et al took the stage: “‘The Daily Show with John Stewart’ is celebrating its 76th year on the air . It began on Comedy Central radio as Stewart Brand Chicken Fat All-Star Fake News Half -Hour. This is their 900th Emmy, and frankly that’s too much.”

–Michael Emerson’s speech for his supporting actor in a drama win was as golden as the statue he won…and although a few of us wondered if he was channeling  “Lost’s” Ben for his Emmy moment, you’d have to be heartless to question the honesty of its intent. Any excitement that Emerson’s voice might have lacked was more than made up for by Cherry Jones, who lit up the stage after him to claim her Supporting Actress in a Drama Emmy for her work in “24.”

–Ellen Burstyn and Michael J. Fox, winners for best guest spots in a drama, introduce the writing and directing noms and winners. For directing, Rod Holcomb for “ER,” and for “Mad Men,” Matthew Weiner and Kater Gordon.

–Best Actress in a Drama: This is one of those categories which, as my cohort Michelle Bryant puts is, we just love everyone. But it’s fabulous to see Glenn Close take home an Emmy (again) for her chilling portrayal on “Damages,” and her gracious speech thanking her producers was top-notch.

–Best Actor in a Drama: Bryan Cranston for “Breaking Bad.” OK, as much as we are enjoying the telecast itself, it’s time to take issue with all the repeat action tonight. We were impressed with the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences voters last year from noticing Cranston’s fascinating performance in “Breaking Bad,” but Hugh Laurie has NEVER WON AN EMMY for “House.” That’s right — Hugh Laurie, one of the guys who makes network TV worth watching, Emmy-less.

–Best Comedy: Bob Newhart is probably the only guy who can take forever to introduce an award — we’ll still find him charming and adorable. During his sweet, rambling intro, he revealed that Tina Fey told him that if the show won she would plant one on him like Halle Berry did with Adrien Brody on the Oscars. If not, “I will continue to uphold the restraining order,” he joked. And yes, surprise, “30 Rock” won…but the camera pulled to a wide shot before we could see Fey make out with Newhart.

–America voted on CBS, and made Bill Compton’s meeting with Sookie Stackhouse on “True Blood” the Breakthrough Performance of the Year. Which is wonderful, because vampires will truly be walking the Earth before “True Blood” wins a Best Drama Emmy. However, we said something similar last year when someone asked us whether “Mad Men” had a chance of winning a Best Drama Emmy, and look — it just won its second consecutive award in the category. So there!

That was it for the 2009 telecast. Here’s hoping 2010 is just as funny — and that the winner’s circle isn’t another replay of 2009. Or for that matter, 2008.

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