In his opening monologue as host of The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards,  Ricky Gervais joked that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association had warned him that if he insults or offends anyone, “I’ll definitely be invited back next year!”

After tonight, we can’t say he won’t be asked to host again (he was back for his third go-round this year, wasn’t he?) but it became fairly obvious early on in the awards telecast that Gervais would rather be doing something else.  Anything else.

Rather than shocking his way out of a return invitation, Gervais took the route of safety and boredom. Where he landed memorable stinging jabs across the egos of Mel Gibson and Robert Downey Jr. in past Globes shows, Gervais threw slow haymakers wrapped in velveteen cliches at targets including Kim Kardashian (“The Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton: A bit louder, bit trashier, bit drunker, and more easily bought!”);  Justin Bieber  (“The only way he could have impregnated a woman was by borrowing one of Martha Stewart‘s old turkey basters!”) Eddie Murphy, Ashton and Demi. Everyone’s done jokes about those celebrities, and from what we could see, none of them were in the audience.

If Gervais wanted to show us what he would be like without fangs, then mission accomplished. We vastly prefer you to be rude and unflinching. (See you on HBO in a few weeks!)

The bright spot to a Globes telecast helmed by a harmless and largely absent Gervais, however, was that it inspired a few stars to take up the entertainment banner in his stead.  Thus, Seth Rogen did his best to liven up the night by kicking off his Globes presenting gig with, “Hello, I am Seth Rogen and I am currently trying to conceal a massive erection” before referring to Globe-nominated “My Week with Marilyn” as “a hilarious comedy.”

Madonna smelled weakness and took a (self-serving) swipe at her lame introduction by Gervais, which tried to spin comedy out of her song  “Like a Virgin,” her hit dating back to the Pleistocene epoch.

“If I’m still ‘Like a Virgin,’ Ricky,” Madge cooed, “then why don’t you come over here and do something about it? I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years. On TV.”  The audience applauded, and the blonde braid of sinew and haute couture that gave us W.E. smiled proudly.

In case that didn’t do it for you, George Clooney gamely attempted to entertain the folks at home by calling attention to the size of  Michael Fassbender’s member while accepting his Best Actor Golden Globe for his work in the Golden Globe winner for Best Drama, The Descendants. It was a swing, and a… well.

Despite all of that, there were a few magical moments during The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards that stood out from the boredom and weirdness.

– It was touching to watch Sidney Poitier present Morgan Freeman with the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. Dame Helen Mirren co-presented, and flailed a bit as she attempted to sprinkle her dedication with a touch of comedy. No harm, though; she’s Dame Helen Mirren. But the most winning moment of that presentation was the “this-is-your-life-in-movies” clip reel that included a snippet of Freeman singing “I love to take a bath in a casket” from his stint on “The Electric Company.” It was a nice nostalgic touch, and Twitter went wild for it.

–”Downton Abbey“‘s Golden Globe proves HFPA voters actually do pay attention to quality miniseries and TV movies that aren’t being made by HBO. Even nicer was the acceptance speech by creator Julian Fellowes, who could be experiencing a massive explosion of ego right now but clearly is still grateful, humble and in awe at the culture’s fervent adoration for his work.

–Great to see “Homeland‘s” wins in the categories of Best TV Drama and Best Actress in a TV Drama, for Claire Danes‘s performance. Also nice to see Kelsey Grammer get a Globe for his work in “Boss.”  We have nothing bad to say about Laura Dern and Matt LeBlanc‘s wins for “Enlightened” and “Episodes,” but only because it’s a waste of energy to complain about the insanity of the Globes’s notoriously odd choices in individual comedy winners. (Except to say that Amy Poehler was robbed. Again.)

–The same holds truly for the wacky practice of lumping comedy, TV miniseries and movie supporting actors and actresses together in the same categories. However, we commend Peter Dinklage‘s classy mention of assault victim Martin Henderson at the podium. “Google him,” Dinklage advised, subtly using his platform to remind a worldwide audience that as much as he’s achieved, most little people are still struggling for equal treatment.

–Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy singing a duet while presenting the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie? Adorable.

We invite you to share your thoughts on the Globes telecast in the comments section. As always, you can view the full list of winners, as well as see red carpet photos and read the blow-by-blow recap of the show by visiting our Road to the Oscars section.

Celebrities plus alcohol often equals loose speeches and wacky behavior. Garnish that cocktail with the brash, unmuzzled comic sensibility of Ricky Gervais, and what do you get?

Another Golden Globes telecast destined to have tongues wagging on Monday morning.

The British comedian is back for a third round of hosting The 69th Annual Golden Globes,  airing live on NBC starting at 8pmET/5pm PT, and he’s already locked, loaded and ready to take aim at certain, um, subjects.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” Gervais joked to TV reporters on Friday, during his appearance on behalf of his new HBO series “Life’s Too Short.” “You know, I end my career once a week if you read the press. Everyone says that’s the end. I only do things that could end my career now. That’s the fun. That’s my extreme sport.”

Here’s ours: IMDb will once again have live coverage of the event, including instantaneous updates of the winners, photos from the red carpet, and commentary on all of the fun. Starting at 5pm PT, keep the homepage open to see the list of winners from the moment they’re announced.  (Or, if you don’t want to know, avert your gaze.)

Smartphone users can view the list of winners on our mobile site, Android, and iPhone, and check out the Road to the Oscars section for the photos from the red carpet.

We’ll also be posting photos and award results on Facebook and @IMDb Twitter.  And as usual,  @IMDbTV will be the place for TV results and snark… which should be plentiful, based on what Gervais had to say on Friday.

“I’m not one of these people who thinks comedy is your conscience taking a day off. My conscience never takes a day off. I know what I’m going to say outside the odd ad lib. I can justify it and I stand by it, as I do every joke I did last year,” He said.  “And I don’t care. I don’t care what people think.”

We can’t wait.

In the meantime, check out our Road to the Oscars section to view photos of the nominees, trailers and clips from all of your favorite nominated films. You’ll also find photo galleries and lists from past awards seasons.

Were you expecting things to be different? Ah, you dreamer you. Remember, Globes contenders are selected by the film-centric Hollywood Foreign Press Association. The nominations that matter (for the sake of Academy Awards prognostication ) are the film nods. The Globes’ television noms, on the other hand, often seem to be based on buzz and, just as likely, a wish list of  HFPA members’ ideal celebrity drinking partners.

But let’s be fair. In years past, the Globes have served as a force of justice,  absolving sins of omission committed by the Emmys. Today’s list of  TV nominees for the 69th Annual Golden Globes, however, is not one of those instances.

Shall we break it down?