In his opening monologue as host of The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards,  Ricky Gervais joked that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association had warned him that if he insults or offends anyone, “I’ll definitely be invited back next year!”

After tonight, we can’t say he won’t be asked to host again (he was back for his third go-round this year, wasn’t he?) but it became fairly obvious early on in the awards telecast that Gervais would rather be doing something else.  Anything else.

Rather than shocking his way out of a return invitation, Gervais took the route of safety and boredom. Where he landed memorable stinging jabs across the egos of Mel Gibson and Robert Downey Jr. in past Globes shows, Gervais threw slow haymakers wrapped in velveteen cliches at targets including Kim Kardashian (“The Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton: A bit louder, bit trashier, bit drunker, and more easily bought!”);  Justin Bieber  (“The only way he could have impregnated a woman was by borrowing one of Martha Stewart‘s old turkey basters!”) Eddie Murphy, Ashton and Demi. Everyone’s done jokes about those celebrities, and from what we could see, none of them were in the audience.

If Gervais wanted to show us what he would be like without fangs, then mission accomplished. We vastly prefer you to be rude and unflinching. (See you on HBO in a few weeks!)

The bright spot to a Globes telecast helmed by a harmless and largely absent Gervais, however, was that it inspired a few stars to take up the entertainment banner in his stead.  Thus, Seth Rogen did his best to liven up the night by kicking off his Globes presenting gig with, “Hello, I am Seth Rogen and I am currently trying to conceal a massive erection” before referring to Globe-nominated “My Week with Marilyn” as “a hilarious comedy.”

Madonna smelled weakness and took a (self-serving) swipe at her lame introduction by Gervais, which tried to spin comedy out of her song  “Like a Virgin,” her hit dating back to the Pleistocene epoch.

“If I’m still ‘Like a Virgin,’ Ricky,” Madge cooed, “then why don’t you come over here and do something about it? I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years. On TV.”  The audience applauded, and the blonde braid of sinew and haute couture that gave us W.E. smiled proudly.

In case that didn’t do it for you, George Clooney gamely attempted to entertain the folks at home by calling attention to the size of  Michael Fassbender’s member while accepting his Best Actor Golden Globe for his work in the Golden Globe winner for Best Drama, The Descendants. It was a swing, and a… well.

Despite all of that, there were a few magical moments during The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards that stood out from the boredom and weirdness.

– It was touching to watch Sidney Poitier present Morgan Freeman with the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. Dame Helen Mirren co-presented, and flailed a bit as she attempted to sprinkle her dedication with a touch of comedy. No harm, though; she’s Dame Helen Mirren. But the most winning moment of that presentation was the “this-is-your-life-in-movies” clip reel that included a snippet of Freeman singing “I love to take a bath in a casket” from his stint on “The Electric Company.” It was a nice nostalgic touch, and Twitter went wild for it.

–”Downton Abbey“‘s Golden Globe proves HFPA voters actually do pay attention to quality miniseries and TV movies that aren’t being made by HBO. Even nicer was the acceptance speech by creator Julian Fellowes, who could be experiencing a massive explosion of ego right now but clearly is still grateful, humble and in awe at the culture’s fervent adoration for his work.

–Great to see “Homeland‘s” wins in the categories of Best TV Drama and Best Actress in a TV Drama, for Claire Danes‘s performance. Also nice to see Kelsey Grammer get a Globe for his work in “Boss.”  We have nothing bad to say about Laura Dern and Matt LeBlanc‘s wins for “Enlightened” and “Episodes,” but only because it’s a waste of energy to complain about the insanity of the Globes’s notoriously odd choices in individual comedy winners. (Except to say that Amy Poehler was robbed. Again.)

–The same holds truly for the wacky practice of lumping comedy, TV miniseries and movie supporting actors and actresses together in the same categories. However, we commend Peter Dinklage‘s classy mention of assault victim Martin Henderson at the podium. “Google him,” Dinklage advised, subtly using his platform to remind a worldwide audience that as much as he’s achieved, most little people are still struggling for equal treatment.

–Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy singing a duet while presenting the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie? Adorable.

We invite you to share your thoughts on the Globes telecast in the comments section. As always, you can view the full list of winners, as well as see red carpet photos and read the blow-by-blow recap of the show by visiting our Road to the Oscars section.

Confirming a statement made earlier by series star Jon Hamm, AMC has set “Mad Men‘s” long-awaited premiere date for March 25. The cable channel also expanded its season three order of “The Walking Dead” to 16 episodes, as opposed to the original 13 episode order.

“Mad Men’s” two-hour season five premiere will air at 9pm on March 25, returning to its regular timeslot at 10pm on April 1, when “The Killing” makes its two-hour season two premiere at 8pm. “The Killing” settles into its regular 9pm timeslot as of Sunday, April 8.

AMC also set a series premiere date for its first unscripted  series, Kevin Smith‘s “Comic Book Men,” slotted to follow the midseason return of “The Walking Dead” on February 12 at 9pm.  The eighth episode of “The Walking Dead’s” second season is meant to provide a strong lead-in to Smith’s six-part exploration of fanboy culture, which premieres on the same night at 10pm.

Regarding the expanded episode order for “The Walking Dead’s” third season, AMC’s head of original programming Joel Stillerman revealed that the network will likely air a split season again, dividing the 16 episodes into two blocks of eight. The network is targeting the fourth quarter of 2012 for the third season premiere.

The premiere dates were announced as part of AMC’s presentation to TV reporters attending the Television Critics Association’s Winter Press Tour in California.

Celebrities plus alcohol often equals loose speeches and wacky behavior. Garnish that cocktail with the brash, unmuzzled comic sensibility of Ricky Gervais, and what do you get?

Another Golden Globes telecast destined to have tongues wagging on Monday morning.

The British comedian is back for a third round of hosting The 69th Annual Golden Globes,  airing live on NBC starting at 8pmET/5pm PT, and he’s already locked, loaded and ready to take aim at certain, um, subjects.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” Gervais joked to TV reporters on Friday, during his appearance on behalf of his new HBO series “Life’s Too Short.” “You know, I end my career once a week if you read the press. Everyone says that’s the end. I only do things that could end my career now. That’s the fun. That’s my extreme sport.”

Here’s ours: IMDb will once again have live coverage of the event, including instantaneous updates of the winners, photos from the red carpet, and commentary on all of the fun. Starting at 5pm PT, keep the homepage open to see the list of winners from the moment they’re announced.  (Or, if you don’t want to know, avert your gaze.)

Smartphone users can view the list of winners on our mobile site, Android, and iPhone, and check out the Road to the Oscars section for the photos from the red carpet.

We’ll also be posting photos and award results on Facebook and @IMDb Twitter.  And as usual,  @IMDbTV will be the place for TV results and snark… which should be plentiful, based on what Gervais had to say on Friday.

“I’m not one of these people who thinks comedy is your conscience taking a day off. My conscience never takes a day off. I know what I’m going to say outside the odd ad lib. I can justify it and I stand by it, as I do every joke I did last year,” He said.  “And I don’t care. I don’t care what people think.”

We can’t wait.

In the meantime, check out our Road to the Oscars section to view photos of the nominees, trailers and clips from all of your favorite nominated films. You’ll also find photo galleries and lists from past awards seasons.

Winter is coming, but it’ll be springtime when it arrives.

HBO’s hit fantasy series “Game of Thrones” makes its second season premiere on Sunday, April 1.  The drama, based on the bestselling series of books “A Song of Ice and Fire” by author George R.R. Martin, will have 10 episodes in its second season.

HBO also set premiere dates for its new comedies “Veep,” starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and “Girls,” the comedy from Tiny Furniture director Lena Dunham. “Veep’s” eight episode first season begins on Sunday, April 22 at 10pm. “Girls” launches its 10-episode first season at 10:30pm on Sunday, April 15.

Meanwhile, HBO’s highly anticipated dramatization of the McCain-Palin 2008 campaign “Game Change,” starring Julianne Moore as Palin, premieres at 9 pm on March 10. The film also stars Ed Harris as John McCain and Woody Harrelson as McCain’s senior campaign strategist Steve Schmidt.

People have accused the television industry of being creatively bankrupt and out of ideas.

There are plenty of examples to counter that argument. But today, The CW did not add one to that list. Instead, the network announced it was picking up ten episodes of “Oh Sit!”, a game show version of musical chairs.

You read right: musical chairs.

According to the network’s announcement at the Television Critics Association’s Winter Press Tour, each episode will challenge 20 contestants to run through five obstacle course-style elimination rounds, each attempting to claim a chair as a live band plays. The last contestant remaining wins a cash prize.

The CW has yet to select a host or a premiere date for “Oh Sit!” but the comments section of this blog is accepting suggestions.

Meanwhile, the official Twitter account for (the once real but currently non-existent) UPN confirmed that it has passed on picking up reality shows based on “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” or “Clothespin Drop.”

Sunday April 8 is the magic date for viewers awaiting the return of Showtime comedies “Nurse Jackie” and “The Big C,” as well as the second season of “The Borgias.”

Showtime announced this springtime programming block Thursday morning during the network’s appearance at the Television Critics Association’s Winter Press Tour. The Sunday night line-up will kick off with fourth season episodes of “Nurse Jackie” at 9pm, followed by season three of “Nurse Jackie” at 9:30pm, with the second season of “The Borgias” at 10. (All times ET/PT.)

Additionally, the premium cable will produce filmmaker R.J. Cutler‘s documentary on former vice president Dick Cheney, tentatively titled “The World According to Dick Cheney.” This joins the channel’s recently announced production on a documentary about Death Row Records founder Suge Knight, directed by Antoine Fuqua. Showtime president of entertainment David Nevins also told reporters that his channel is developing a documentary about legendary comedian Richard Pryor.

Touting the strength of his channel’s line-up, Nevins specifically cited his satisfaction with the performance of “Dexter‘s” recently aired sixth season. Nevins says he was happy to know that the series has set up its endgame, but also hinted that if the storytelling warrants it, it could go beyond its currently contracted eighth season.

On Tuesday, ABC is hosting a comedy showrunner’s panel for reporters attending the Television Critics Association Winter Press Tour. Conspicuously missing from the list of names on that panel is Bill Lawrence, creator and executive producer of “Cougar Town.” Makes sense, considering that his show also is missing from the midseason line-up.  Paul Lee, president of ABC Entertainment Group, still has not assigned a premiere date to the third season premiere beyond saying it would likely return in March. (He told reporters that he expects to announce a specific date within the next few weeks.)

Meanwhile, Lee did announce dates for the midseason comedy “Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23” (9:30 Wednesday, April 11) and the new Shonda Rhimes drama “Scandal” (10 pm Thursdays, starting April 5) and explained that “Private Practice” is moving to Tuesdays at 10 from April 24 through May 15.

Needless to say, the continued delay of “Cougar Town’s” season premiere is making fans very nervous.

Having navigated the TV industry, and ABC in particular, for most of two decades, Lawrence decided to take matters into his own hands. On Monday night he hosted a cocktail party for TCA members to answer all of their questions about “Cougar Town’s” fate and get news (and spoilers) straight, no chaser, from the man himself.

Lawrence made it clear that his party-crashing party was not meant in any way to snub his employer ABC, saying that if he wanted to be on the showrunners panel he only had to call Lee and ask.

“But, why would I want to do that, and be up there acting like, ‘Hey, I’m so psyched to be here, with a giant question a mark!’? It also puts me in the position of being disrespectful to the ABC execs,” Lawrence said. “So I’m doing this event, and I’m footing the bill.”

We can only imagine what the final total was. A large crowd of critics showed up to drink and chat with Lawrence and the “Cougar Town” cast, including Courteney Cox, Busy Philipps, Ian Gomez, Dan Byrd,  and Christa Miller, all of whom were excited to talk about season three’s developments.  The “Cougar Town” folks believe in their show so much that they’re flying to cities all over the country to host watching parties with fans and stoke excitement for the new season. (Upcoming dates include Seattle, San Francisco and Las Vegas; follow @vdoozer on Twitter for details.)

Asked how he felt about the continued lack of a specific premiere date, Lawrence says he’s not worried. Besides, he understands ABC’s reasoning for keeping mum.

“I expect they had a date for the premiere,” Lawrence says, “but they’re not going to announce it because they expect the show will come on sooner.”

That is a veiled reference to “Cougar” possibly being called upon to replace the low-rated and critically reviled midseason comedy “Work It,” which debuted to soft ratings and is expected to shed even more viewers with the airing of its second episode. Lawrence didn’t refer to “Work It” by name — that’s not his style — but he knows where the next gap is likely to show up.

Besides, the real battle isn’t getting the show back on. That’s going to happen, and Lee confirmed it. At this point, the question is whether “Cougar Town” will be picked up for a fourth season.  Hence, the Cul-de-Sac crew’s viewing party tour.

Lawrence feels the difference between the show being picked up for another season and, well, a fate we’d rather not mention, is not insurmountable. “When I did ‘Spin City,’ the difference between being on and not, in the demo, was 4 or 5 million people. Now the difference is about 600,000,” he explained. “For us, it’s about turning the old core audience back on to the show by giving them good content.”

The cast and crew considers these events to be part of an unspoken contract with fans. In exchange for buying them free drinks, handing out “Cougar Town” swag and showing them a few episodes from the new season, they’re asking fans to 1.) watch it on the air when it returns; 2.) remind other fans that its coming back and urge them to watch it; and 3.) persuade five to ten new people to give it a shot as well.

He would not be paying for these grassroots promotions if he didn’t think it could work. And he truly believes it makes good business sense for ABC to pick up another season of “Cougar Town,” even though the network reduced this season’s order from the full 22 episode commitment to 15. In a word, syndication.  Lawrence frequently pointed to the fact that ABC owns the show, and stands to make more money if they make enough episodes to syndicate it.

“The bar is not very high on what number we have to do to be back,” Lawrence said. “I’d be truly bummed out and shocked if we didn’t make it.”

Lawrence also revealed details about what’s in store for the Cul-de-Sac crew in the upcoming season, so if you don’t want to know any specifics, stop reading now.

Last chance: SPOILERS AHEAD.

“Once we knew we were going to be a midseason show, which was early on, we shifted gears really quickly and made the first episode essentially like a third year pilot so that new people weren’t excluded,” Lawrence explained.  “It’s a big spoiler to tell you what happens in it, but it certainly eliminates all elements of any cougars. This is one show called ‘Cougar Town’ without any cougars in it.”

He followed this up by revealing specifics as to what happens:

– Jules (Cox) and Grayson (Josh Hopkins) are headed for the altar.

– Travis (Byrd) is going to spend a significant amount of time with a helmet on his head. Lawrence says that’s payback for Byrd refusing to cut his hair last season.

–Laurie (Philipps) is attempting to behave more like an adult, and is opening a bakery that specializes in whimsical cakes. It will be called Krazy Kakes by Keller. Note the unfortunate acronym.

–Andy (Gomez) is running for political office.

–Lastly, the romantic tension between Laurie and Travis will be resolved this season.

Bottom line?  Watch “Cougar Town” already, and keep a very funny comedy alive.

ABC Family president Michael Riley tossed a bone to fans of the late and underappreciated drama “The Nine Lives of Chloe King” on Monday morning, hinting that the cable channel is thinking about developing a TV movie based on the series.

“The Nine Lives of Chloe King” followed the adventures of a teenage girl who developed superpowers upon turning 16, forcing her to come to terms with her new abilities and use them to protect the people around her. It aired 10 episodes during the summer of 2011, capping off its initial arc with a number of key characters appearing to be dead, dying, imperiled, or slammed with game-changing revelations. (To read the synopsis of the series finale, click here.)

ABC Family reacted to that cliffhanger by canceling the show.

“Chloe King’s” cancellation may not have been all that surprising to anyone who took a look at its ratings. Fellow dramas “The Lying Game” and “Switched at Birth” became breakout successes during their first seasons, while “Chloe” struggled to grow its viewership. But there’s also the matter of fit: “Chloe” was a genre series joining a network buoyed to pop cultural significance by the soapy thriller “Pretty Little Liars,”  premiering alongside other series about fashionable teenagers facing various intrigues and twists.

Citing “Chloe’s” dedicated if small fan base, Riley told reporters that “we’re always looking at the intellectual property that we’re capitalizing on, and making sure that there’s opportunities for even more storytelling.” (Perhaps leaving viewers hanging was a good move, then.)

In a subsequent one-on-one conversation with Riley, he elaborated on his earlier announcement by explaining, “Obviously we know that the ‘Chloe King’ audience is very passionate…and knowing ‘Chloe King’ is still on the horizon is fantastic.”

It’s only fair to warn ‘Chloe King’ fans that the entertainment industry is full of tales of long-forgotten “in development” projects that never made it beyond the idea stage.

When we asked Riley if this announcement was akin to HBO assuring us that those “Deadwood” movies were definitely going to happen (and yes, we realize “Deadwood” is on a completely different level than “Chloe”… give us some credit ) Riley replied with, “I cannot honestly speak to that… All I can say today is that it’s in development, because that’s where it is: in development.”

All 10 full episodes of “The Nine Lives of Chloe King” can be viewed on IMDb. Click here to watch.

During the Fox executive session, entertainment president Kevin Reilly set critics back on their collective heels with this shocking, truly alarming news:

“Allen Gregory” has been canceled. So have previously announced plans for a “Glee” spinoff.

You were perhaps expecting definitive word on the fates of “Fringe,” “House,” or “Terra Nova“?  Ha. No such luck.

Reilly admitted to reporters attending Fox’s portion of the Television Critics Association’s Winter Press Tour that executives have been actively avoiding coming to final decisions on all of these shows. Really, though, he’s just putting off the inevitable. His office will be bombarded by tons of baked custard mailed by irate “Fringe” fans if (or when) the bad news comes down. It’s going to be a heck of a carpet cleaning bill.

“I’m not quietly doing the soft cancel here, I’m just telling you where it stands,” Reilly continued, pleading with us to refrain from urging the letter writing campaigns to begin.

As much as he could, Reilly attempted to reassure “Fringe’s” devoted fans that he took pride in the fact that Fox did not drop the ball with the show too early, something the network has been criticized for doing to past genre programming. Having said that, he also added that “Fringe” has been consistently losing a lot of money on Friday nights and executives are going to have to take a hard look at whether the numbers are continuing to make sense.

“We’re not in the business of losing money,” Reilly reminded us.

On whether this would be the final season of veteran drama “House,” Reilly explained that he had yet to sit down with the show’s producers, but if this were to be its final season, he was certain executive producer David Shore would bring it to an ending that will satisfy fans.

As for “Terra Nova,” Reilly said the show was “an exciting bet to take,” and pointed out that in the larger scheme of things, it garnered better ratings than most new series. It’s also more expensive, hence his hesitation.

Following this string of non-news, Reilly did have something to tell us about “Glee.” He explained that New Directions’ seniors will be  graduating, but show creator Ryan Murphy will keep them with the show next season and has a few “cool” developments in store. (Meaning there may yet be a spinoff, in a sense. It’ would just be within the existing plot.) Reilly also specifically confirmed that Lea Michele is not going anywhere.

In other news…

–Fox is developing a slate of animated series, shorts and “user-adapted material” in the vein of Adult Swim. This will culminate in a block of Saturday late-night programming anchored by four shows, scheduled for a January 2013 debut. The unit developing this block, headed by former Adult Swim head of program development Nick Weidenfeld and producer Hend Baghdady (“Warren the Ape“), is also developing content for a new digital channel accessible via multiple platforms, including mobile apps, game consoles, Video on Demand and online, start later this year.

–During a panel for his new series “Touch,” Kiefer Sutherland said that he expects shooting on the theatrical version of “24” to begin in late April or early May.

–Fox also announced dates for the 11th season of “American Idol,” which has its two night premiere Wednesday, January 18 and Thursday, January 19.  Hollywood Rounds start on February 9. Semifinalists will be revealed on February 23, performing for the first time on the 28th and the 29th. The first vote of the season is revealed on March 1.

As for “The X Factor,” Reilly said that the show would experience a few tweaks between now and its second season and would not specifically confirm that dropping Steve Jones would be part of the tinkering. He did mention Jones by name, however, which is not a good sign.

–The 500th episode of “The Simpsons“, titled “At Long Last Leave,” airs Sunday, Feb. 19.